From the time I was 16 until I was around 28, I had a series of sexual assaults, so many I cannot count them, from both strangers and men I’d been semi-interested in, and the first of the only two dates I’ve ever been on ended in rape. Alongside that historic lack of sex drive is a history of trauma.
On the subject of pushiness: I have a bigger problem. What little sexual experience I have has been with men-though I am primarily attracted to women-largely because I’m too shy to give out signals that I’m interested in women, and men are more pushy. I think this is great, and I’m looking forward to finding someone, either as a long-term partner or, assuming I both trust and am attracted to them, for something short-term, lighthearted, and fun. Then I came off the antidepressants I’ve been on since I was 20, and it turns out that I have a sex drive after all. I’m a 38-year-old woman, and until about nine months ago, I thought I was more or less asexual.
I have a problem that I’m not sure how to deal with. Any ideas to warm her up to the idea again, or am I being unreasonable? But if I get near there she quickly says, “No, I don’t like you touching me down there.” I get it-no means no-but when something was so effective, it makes me want to push her boundaries a little. I know there are lots of things I can do to add spice to get her off, but I would still like to play with this again. Fast forward to now in her 50s, and she actually does have a little libido or menopause issue occasionally, and a little spice helps. With her insistence, I stopped and just used other things to enhance her orgasms. I told her that it was just touching, and it did not have to lead to PIA, which I knew she strongly opposed. She admitted it had felt good but said it was dirty and gross, even though there had never been any incident that could be described as such. Then suddenly she said she did not want me touching her back there. For several months, I only occasionally used this when she was needing a little more spice to get off. Early on this adventure, when she was hanging on the edge of a PIV orgasm and having difficulty getting over the edge, I slipped a finger one knuckle deep in her anus, and this tripped her over the edge with a loudly expressive, convulsive orgasm. My transformation fixed her interest problems.